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Campfire Tales

Reverend Jeremy Departs for Good

Reverend Jeremy had been quietly living at the Earthship cabin for a couple of months after returning to the Farm, fostering a creepy vibe that made everyone uncomfortable. Though he had basically bothered nobody in particular, he had been spotted once after dark peering in the various windows around the Farm. Finally, and to everyone’s great relief, he managed to violate not just one but both of the Farm’s strict “get evicted immediately” policies, the ones concerning drug usage and sowing disharmony amongst residents.

For myriad reasons, the Reverend’s trustworthiness, integrity, and outright sanity were already suspect. Early on, he had arrived red-eyed for a community meal with a plate of obviously homemade brownies, of all things, laughing in such a way that Sean Penn could have modeled his character Jeff Spicoli after. Nobody dared eat one out of fear that the sprinkles on top might be “special dots”, and the Farm might be placed on full lockdown, lest anyone escape and wander out amongst the general population.

Furthermore, Eva reported that she had seen the Reverend loading an old pink bathtub from the steel barn into his rusted-out ice cream van, and then later transporting a 400-gallon plastic water trough on the forks of George’s tractor up the rough skid road to his cabin. Widespread suspicion began that Reverend Jeremy was possibly dissolving his victims’ body parts in acid, and for a stint was referred to as Reverend Jeremy Dahmer.

Eva, who was routinely hit on and harassed by nearly all the single men at the Farm, noted that the Reverend had never once made eye contact with her and had never even given her a second look. This, of course, led to more jokes in poor taste accusing the Reverend of furthering NAMBLA recruitment to Bonner County and operating a “snips and snails and puppy dog tails” daycare for boys at the Earthship cabin, where there were no telephones or nosy neighbors to call for help.

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